The Prostitute Permit and Other Tales Transcript - Revision history

HamsterWoman at 08:23, 29 May 2017

2017-05-29T08:23:01Z

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	'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING PILOT HELMET AND PILOT JACKET}'' ''{SIGHS}'' I can't help but feel that we the people who served her alcohol on the plane, are somehow partially responsible for this.		'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING PILOT HELMET AND PILOT JACKET}'' ''{SIGHS}'' I can't help but feel that we the people who served her alcohol on the plane, are somehow partially responsible for this.

	'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' You know, in my opinion as a... ''{THUMBS SHIRT}'' professional writer		'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' You know, in my opinion as a... ''{THUMBS SHIRT}'' professional writer ''{SUBTITLE: NOW FOR HIRE! kathleen@loadingreadyrun.com}'' may I recommend that they reword their press release to say simply: "drunk chick gave unsolicited lap dances and people were weirded out." Because one, it's faster, two everybody knows what that means, and three, it doesn't sound like they're reading at a weird amateur poetry night.

	''{SUBTITLE: NOW FOR HIRE! kathleen@loadingreadyrun.com}''
	may I recommend that they reword their press release to say simply: "drunk chick gave unsolicited lap dances and people were weirded out." Because one, it's faster, two everybody knows what that means, and three, it doesn't sound like they're reading at a weird amateur poetry night.

	'''Graham:''' ''{WEARING BLACK NEWSBOY CAP AWKWARDLY ON TOP OF HIS HEAD}'' She was in a state of insobriety, inconveniencing the passengers... taking off their glasses. Dancing erotic dances. ''{OFFCAMERA SNAPS}'' Slant rhyme.		'''Graham:''' ''{WEARING BLACK NEWSBOY CAP AWKWARDLY ON TOP OF HIS HEAD}'' She was in a state of insobriety, inconveniencing the passengers... taking off their glasses. Dancing erotic dances. ''{OFFCAMERA SNAPS}'' Slant rhyme.

AlexanderDitto at 04:07, 17 March 2012

2012-03-17T04:07:02Z

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	Transcript for Feed Dump- The Prostitute Permit and Other Tales		Transcript for Feed Dump- [[The Prostitute Permit and Other Tales]]

	''{FEED DUMP TITLES}''		''{FEED DUMP TITLES}''

AlexanderDitto: Adding Transcript Category

2012-03-08T18:09:12Z

Adding Transcript Category

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	'''Graham:''' ''{WEARING BLACK NEWSBOY CAP AWKWARDLY ON TOP OF HIS HEAD}'' She was in a state of insobriety inconveniencing the passangers. Taking off their glasses... glasses? Glasses.		'''Graham:''' ''{WEARING BLACK NEWSBOY CAP AWKWARDLY ON TOP OF HIS HEAD}'' She was in a state of insobriety inconveniencing the passangers. Taking off their glasses... glasses? Glasses.

			[[Category:Transcripts]]

AlexanderDitto: Spelled Blonde Wrong

2012-03-08T00:56:18Z

Spelled Blonde Wrong

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	'''Paul:''' So, if there's inspectors inspecting the tickets, presumably at some point they're going to be caught without a ticket, and then they'll like... "isn't there something I could do to get out of this?" 'Cause at that point it's not even a porn scenario. It's just like, a barter system. It's they're job!		'''Paul:''' So, if there's inspectors inspecting the tickets, presumably at some point they're going to be caught without a ticket, and then they'll like... "isn't there something I could do to get out of this?" 'Cause at that point it's not even a porn scenario. It's just like, a barter system. It's they're job!

	''{WIDE SHOT OF KATHLEEN AND PAUL ON COUCH. KATHLEEN IS WEARING LONG ~~BLOND~~ WIG AND FANCY FISHNET STOCKINGS, AND SITS PROVOCATIVELY. PAUL IS WEARING PILOT HAT AND BLUE COLLARED POLICE SHIRT. PAUL IS LOOKING AT A PIECE OF PAPER}''		''{WIDE SHOT OF KATHLEEN AND PAUL ON COUCH. KATHLEEN IS WEARING LONG BLONDE WIG AND FANCY FISHNET STOCKINGS, AND SITS PROVOCATIVELY. PAUL IS WEARING PILOT HAT AND BLUE COLLARED POLICE SHIRT. PAUL IS LOOKING AT A PIECE OF PAPER}''

	'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING ~~BLOND~~ WIG AND FANCY FISHNET STOCKINGS}'' So officer, what can I... do you for you? ''{REACHES OUT WITH LEG, TOUCHES HIM ON SHOULDER WITH HER FOOT}''		'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING BLONDE WIG AND FANCY FISHNET STOCKINGS}'' So officer, what can I... do you for you? ''{REACHES OUT WITH LEG, TOUCHES HIM ON SHOULDER WITH HER FOOT}''

	'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING PILOT HAT AND BLUE COLLARED POLICE SHIRT}'' Sorry ma'am, I'm afraid this permit has expired.		'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING PILOT HAT AND BLUE COLLARED POLICE SHIRT}'' Sorry ma'am, I'm afraid this permit has expired.

	'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING ~~BLOND~~ WIG AND FANCY FISHNET STOCKINGS}'' ''{SITS UP}'' Oh... crap. Um... is there anything I can do to get out of a ticket? Like, have sex with you?		'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING BLONDE WIG AND FANCY FISHNET STOCKINGS}'' ''{SITS UP}'' Oh... crap. Um... is there anything I can do to get out of a ticket? Like, have sex with you?

	'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING PILOT HAT AND BLUE COLLARED POLICE SHIRT}'' Yeah, I'm OK with that.		'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING PILOT HAT AND BLUE COLLARED POLICE SHIRT}'' Yeah, I'm OK with that.

	'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING ~~BLOND~~ WIG AND FANCY FISHNET STOCKINGS}'' OK!		'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING BLONDE WIG AND FANCY FISHNET STOCKINGS}'' OK!

	'''Graham:''' AND THEN....		'''Graham:''' AND THEN....
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	'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING PILOT HAT AND BLUE COLLARED POLICE SHIRT}'' Pleasure doing business with you!		'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING PILOT HAT AND BLUE COLLARED POLICE SHIRT}'' Pleasure doing business with you!

	'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING ~~BLOND~~ WIG AND FANCY FISHNET STOCKINGS}'' ''{STRAIGHTENING SHIRT}'' You too!		'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING BLONDE WIG AND FANCY FISHNET STOCKINGS}'' ''{STRAIGHTENING SHIRT}'' You too!

	'''Graham:''' And now it's time for Paul and Matt have to figure out what Graham is talking about!		'''Graham:''' And now it's time for Paul and Matt have to figure out what Graham is talking about!

AlexanderDitto: Adding Transcript

2012-03-07T00:05:13Z

Adding Transcript

New page

Transcript for Feed Dump- The Prostitute Permit and Other Tales

''{FEED DUMP TITLES}''

'''Graham:''' Welcome to Feed Dump, where ''{HOLDS UP A ROSE}'' a rose by any other name is still an artificial prop. ''{PUTS ROSE DOWN}'' I'm the freshly minted Graham, joining me this week is the freshly scented Paul

'''Paul:''' Use me to hide pet odours!

'''Graham:''' And the freshly squeezed Kathleen!

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' My organs have been crushed!

'''Graham:''' And with the three of us here, it must be time for a cunning ruse! ''{RAISES EYEBROW}''

''{TITLE: TIME FOR A CUNNING RUSE}''

'''Graham:''' A small town in central Italy has gotten so fed up with the government that it decided to become a principality and start minting their own money. With the mayor's photo on the back.

'''Paul:''' Are you allowed to just... do that?

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' Yeah, I disagree with the parking policies here in the city I live in, but I don't think I'm gonna start printing my own money with a cat's face on it or anything.

''{CLOSEUP}'' OR AM I?!

'''Paul:''' You can print all the money you want, but how are you gonna convince people to take your kitty dollars?

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' I've already started paying my parking tickets with them! Did you know fifty meow-marks is still fifty Canadian dollars?

'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING POLICE HAT AND BLUE COLLARED POLICE SHIRT}'' Uh... what is this?

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' It's a meow mark!

'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING POLICE HAT AND BLUE COLLARED POLICE SHIRT}'' A meow mark? OK, uh... how many monopoly dollars is this worth?

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' Monopoly money is fake, man. That is from the Republic of Kathleenia.

'''Graham:''' A plane from Moscow to London had to turn around after fifty minutes, when a drunken Russian woman began staging erotic dances on the plane.

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' Oh sure, every time I'm on a plane that turns around, it's because somebody's got explosive diarrhoea, but as soon as I'm not on a plane? Drunken lap dances for everybody! What the hell, flight centre?! I told you to give me a good flight!

'''Paul:''' Man, airlines have no sense of humor these days. In the 60s this would totally have been no problem. Everybody would have been smoking and watching. It would have been great.

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' Uh... in the 60s, that would have been the stewardesses giving the drunken lap dances.

'''Paul:''' You continue to make compelling arguments as to why we should fly like it's the 60s.

'''Graham:''' I enjoy when people have to make official statements about slightly awkward things, 'cause this is the statement for this. ''{READING}'' The woman was in a state of insobriety, inconveniencing the passengers, taking off their glasses, and dancing erotic dances.

'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING PILOT HELMET AND PILOT JACKET}'' ''{SIGHS}'' I can't help but feel that we the people who served her alcohol on the plane, are somehow partially responsible for this.

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' You know, in my opinion as a... ''{THUMBS SHIRT}'' professional writer

''{SUBTITLE: NOW FOR HIRE! kathleen@loadingreadyrun.com}''
may I recommend that they reword their press release to say simply: "drunk chick gave unsolicited lap dances and people were weirded out." Because one, it's faster, two everybody knows what that means, and three, it doesn't sound like they're reading at a weird amateur poetry night.

'''Graham:''' ''{WEARING BLACK NEWSBOY CAP AWKWARDLY ON TOP OF HIS HEAD}'' She was in a state of insobriety, inconveniencing the passengers... taking off their glasses. Dancing erotic dances. ''{OFFCAMERA SNAPS}'' Slant rhyme.

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' Lousy beatniks.

'''Graham:''' Germany figures if you can't beat it, tax it. And so, in one German city, prostitutes have to get a nightly permit from a parking meter like machine for six euros to alow them to ply their trade.

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' So what you're saying is... they couldn't beat it... but they made it so what other people did they could tax it? Yeaaaaah.

'''Graham:''' Apparently compliance with this new system will be monitored. Not every evening, but frequently.

'''Paul:''' So, if there's inspectors inspecting the tickets, presumably at some point they're going to be caught without a ticket, and then they'll like... "isn't there something I could do to get out of this?" 'Cause at that point it's not even a porn scenario. It's just like, a barter system. It's they're job!

''{WIDE SHOT OF KATHLEEN AND PAUL ON COUCH. KATHLEEN IS WEARING LONG BLOND WIG AND FANCY FISHNET STOCKINGS, AND SITS PROVOCATIVELY. PAUL IS WEARING PILOT HAT AND BLUE COLLARED POLICE SHIRT. PAUL IS LOOKING AT A PIECE OF PAPER}''

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING BLOND WIG AND FANCY FISHNET STOCKINGS}'' So officer, what can I... do you for you? ''{REACHES OUT WITH LEG, TOUCHES HIM ON SHOULDER WITH HER FOOT}''

'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING PILOT HAT AND BLUE COLLARED POLICE SHIRT}'' Sorry ma'am, I'm afraid this permit has expired.

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING BLOND WIG AND FANCY FISHNET STOCKINGS}'' ''{SITS UP}'' Oh... crap. Um... is there anything I can do to get out of a ticket? Like, have sex with you?

'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING PILOT HAT AND BLUE COLLARED POLICE SHIRT}'' Yeah, I'm OK with that.

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING BLOND WIG AND FANCY FISHNET STOCKINGS}'' OK!

'''Graham:''' AND THEN....

''{WIDE SHOT AGAIN, SAME COSTUMES. THEY SHAKE HANDS}''

'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING PILOT HAT AND BLUE COLLARED POLICE SHIRT}'' Pleasure doing business with you!

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING BLOND WIG AND FANCY FISHNET STOCKINGS}'' ''{STRAIGHTENING SHIRT}'' You too!

'''Graham:''' And now it's time for Paul and Matt have to figure out what Graham is talking about!

''{TITLE: Paul and Matt HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT Graham IS TALKING ABOUT}''

'''Graham:''' Sorry, Kathleen, you're Matt today.

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' Oh, really? OK, hold on. Hold on, let me just get into character then. ''{BREATHES}'' Uh, hey guys, I'm here with my iced venti non-fat mocha machiato whip... thing, that's like fifty words long. Um, could we hurry this up, I have a raid to get to.

'''Graham:''' The TSA says that a man attempted to board a flight from Miami to Brazil when he was stopped because they noticed several nylon bags in his trousers filled with WHAT?

''{WIDE SHOT OF KATHLEEN AND PAUL, WHO ARE THINKING, HEADS IN HANDS}''

'''Paul:''' What do they have in Miami but not in Brazil?

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' Ooh! CSI!

'''Paul:''' Hmm... how did he smuggle that in his pants?

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' Hmm...

'''Paul:''' Things Miami is known for... dolphins?

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' Snakes?

'''Paul:''' Inferior Disneyland?

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' Crocodiles?

'''Paul:''' Dangerous insects?

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' I think they have dangerous insects in Brazil, Paul.

'''Paul:''' Yeah, you're probably right.

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' Uh... Kardashians? I think some of them live in Florida?

'''Paul:''' I don't think they can fit in their own pants.

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' That's a good point.

'''Graham:''' I'm pleased to say that for the first time ever, someone has actually had a mostly correct guess! Good job, Matt!

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' I'd like to thank my Mom, my super big Starbucks coffee, my WoW guild, and my completely natural beard.

'''Graham:''' It was in fact seven snakes and three tortoises. In his pants.

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' What gave it away? The guy screaming "OH GOD MY PANTS ARE FILLED WITH SNAKES?! I mean, nothing officer! Aaaaaaah!"

'''Paul:''' I... I don't know what you're talking about, officer. ''{KATHLEEN'S HAND SNAKES UP THE FRONT OF HIS SHIRT}'' I just have a balloon that's slowly leaking air. ''{OFFSCREEN: KATHLEEN HISSES}'' That's what the hissing noise you're hearing is.

'''Graham:''' In the New York town of Buttavia, apparently named for a fake European country, people reported seeing a clown driving a stolen golf cart. It turns out it was just someone's normal golfing attire that happened to be really colourful.

''{SHOT OF BOTH KATHLEEN AND PAUL. PAUL IS WEARING A LUMPY BLACK CADDY HAT. PAUL IS WEARING A RAINBOW CLOWN WIG}''

'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING RAINBOW CLOWN WIG}'' Alright, so what do you recommend on this?

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING LUMPY BLACK CADDY HAT}'' Uh, sir, I recommend that you maybe take a seven or an eight wood? It's just not that long of a hole and I think that you could chip in from there.

'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING RAINBOW CLOWN WIG}'' ''{NODS}'' OK, OK, sounds good. ''{LOOKS OFFSCREEN}'' What?! I always dress like this! This is my hair!

'''Graham:''' He was still arrested for driving while intoxicated.

'''Paul:''' OH! That explains it.

'''Graham:''' But the outfit wasn't related. He just has bad taste.

'''Paul:''' Oh.

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING CLASSY BLACK BOWLER HAT}'' In light of these new facts, Paul maybe we should replay that scene for accuracy.

''{SHOT OF BOTH KATHLEEN AND PAUL. PAUL IS WEARING A LUMPY BLACK CADDY HAT. PAUL IS WEARING A RAINBOW CLOWN WIG}''

'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING RAINBOW CLOWN WIG}'' ''{DRUNKENLY}'' So uh... so this hole, what... whadaya think?

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING LUMPY BLACK CADDY HAT}'' I think a, uh, seven or an eight wood, I think it's a short, short line and you could chip in from here.

'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING RAINBOW CLOWN WIG}'' ''{DRUNKENLY LAUGHS}'' You said wood. Hee hee hee hee! ''{SHOUTS OFFSCREEN}'' WHAT?! ''{GESTURES WILDLY}''

'''Graham:''' Now let's check back in on our recurring segment Paul and Kathleen dress like vikings!

''{TITLE: Paul and Kathleen DRESSING LIKE VIKINGS WHO ARE THOSE VIKINGS? It's Paul and Kathleen. ('''Kathleen:''' Norse Norse Norse Norse Norse Norse...)}''

''{SHOT OF BOTH PAUL AND KATHLEEN. BOTH ARE WEARING HORNED VIKING HELMETS}''

'''Kathleen:''' ''{WEARING HORNED VIKING HELMET}'' We have two helmets now!

'''Paul:''' ''{WEARING HORNED VIKING HELMET}'' ''{POINTS AT HELMET}'' We found it on the shelf!

''{TITLE: Paul and Kathleen DRESSED LIKE VIKINGS WHO WERE THOSE VIKINGS? It's Paul and Kathleen. ('''Kathleen:''' Norse norse norse norse norse norse...)}''

'''Graham:''' Every day is an improvement. Well, until next time, there may be better sources for news, but they don't have ''{PUTS ON BLUE CAP WITH RED BRIM AND WHITE BEENIE SPINNER}'' this Homestar hat.

''{KATHLEEN COMES IN FROM THE SITE AND BLOWS THE FLAG ON TOP REPEATEDLY, MAKING THE WHITE THING SPIN}''

''{FEED DUMP CREDITS}''

'''Graham:''' ''{WEARING BLACK NEWSBOY CAP AWKWARDLY ON TOP OF HIS HEAD}'' She was in a state of insobriety inconveniencing the passangers. Taking off their glasses... glasses? Glasses.