List of Qwerpline Characters

This page lists characters that have appeared on the podcast Qwerpline.

Name	Voice Actor	Description
Alex ("A-Train")	Alex	Co-host of Qwerpline and current Aldersm'n of Therpston County.
Ball Hinkley	Beej	A local business owner and author. He sells organic perfumes made from locally sourced items from around his home in East Sump Acres.
Barbara Dooley	Kathleen	She's a birder.
Burtha Burpwinter	N/A	Knows about Nsberg's Historic Cellars. 3 interviews with her have been attempted.
Captain John Gordon	N/A	Sole member of the Nsburg Volunteer Coast Guard.
Chet Buntsman	Ian	QWRP's first attempt at a Sports Reporter. Former coach of the Nsburg High Talcum Puffs girl's field hockey team.
Clementine "Clem" Alberts	Kathleen	QWRP's second Sports Reporter. Would like to be called "Clementine," please.
Dale "The Chuzzler" Chuzzle	N/A	Professional rally-car driver and local celebrity. Competed at Dakar and Le Mans, although he lost.
Darren von Spront	Ian	Local (possibly self-proclaimed) tech wunderkind. He engaged in a patent dispute with Raphael Crinklestouf, and discovered a new (and extremely radioactive) element.
Derek the Intern	Beej	19-year-old intern who is frequently sent out for on-location work.
Dr. Melissa McFeels	Kathleen	Coach of the Nsburg High Talcum Puffs girl's field hockey team. Always gives 110%.
Dr. Slavoj Dinkwither	Graham	Member of the University of Chuffield's Extremophile Research Institute. Visited Nsburg to study nsberries. Would like you to mail him your poop.
Edith Slump	Kathleen	QWRP's monotonous Arts Correspondent, local author, and self-described freelance gadabout.
False Dmitri the IX, aka Kaylee	Kathleen	Day manager at the Weiner Czar. Went on a date with Derek.
Fred	Ian	Founder of the Nsburg Primal Scream Therapy Men's Choir
Graham ("Big G-Money")	Graham	Co-host of Qwerpline.
Granton Bumper	Ian	Owner of Bumper Crop Farms and its ill-fated Corn Maze. Entered a large radish approximately 1 foot wide at the Harvest Festival competition. Grew the Bumper Crop Farm Corn Maze for Halloween, which led to the disappearances of 21 people. Later found religion and built a 20-foot "Jesus Cristo" out of corn husks, which was accidentally destroyed by Derek.
Gus	N/A	QWRP Station Engineer & security(?) Mostly expresses his opinions via the sound board.
Happy Gunderson	Ian	Owner of a "spite house" in the middle of Highway 3. Frequently harassed by the Pipesmen.
Horatio Toot-Toot	N/A	Ran Captain Toot-Toot's Seafood Buffet and, briefly, the QWRP FM broadcast studio. Eventually made enough money to buy a boat and return to the sea whence he came.
Jeff	N/A	QWRP Station Accountant. Referenced, but never appears. Has to deal with Derek charging random items to the station.
Joan	N/A	QWRP Station Manager. Referenced, although never heard from.
Joy	Kathleen	7-year-old child accidentally semi-adopted by Richter.
Justice Zeff	Graham	He's just happy to be in a room with this much love.
Kelsie	N/A	Had coffee with Derek before his interview with Richard Therpston
Kendra Tiltington	Kathleen	Director of Waste Management for Nsburg. She would really, really like it if people stopped dropping off non-recyclable things at the Nsburg Recycling Center.
Kenneth Lancer	Ian	Political Scientist from Chuffield University
Lance Glint	Ian	Student council president at Nsburg High.
Lisa	N/A	Works at the Nsburg History Museum. Referenced, but never appears.
Lorna Schlitzwhistle	Kathleen	A local "expert" on pseudoscience and the supernatural. She keeps bees at her home in West Sump Acres and is very concerned about the effects of the "weefees" (wifi internet). She sells dreamcatchers on Etsy.
Melody Yum	N/A	Breakout star sideball player on the Literal Tigers. Was on fire last year, but she's out of the burn ward and ready to play.
Michael O'Leary	Beej	QWRP's third Sports Reporter, now business reporter. After the Property Lottery, now lives in the station closet.
Michael O'Leary (no relation)	Ian	Founder of a sanctuary from animals.
Mirtho the Clown	N/A	A clown that promises to take you to smileville.
Montgomery Kone	Beej	QWRP's fourth Sports Reporter.
Muriel, the Old Wife	Kathleen	Lived in the QWRP FM studio and answered questions for Graham and Alex. Moved out when she got a 4-bedroom home in Raster Heights the 19-way swap Edith arranged after the Property Lottery.
Officer Steve	Ian	Officer of the Nsburg PD. Investigated the disappearance and reappearance of the pot holes from Highway 3 to the Shaughnessy. Runs the Nsburg Crimestallers tip hotline.
Orville & Wilbur Ronk	Beej & Ian	Brothers and inventors. Looking to build a solar-powered wind farm in Nsburg, but haven't yet secured the funding.
Ralph	Ian	Secret Pipesman and member of the Nsburg Geological Society. Appears to be the spokesperson for the Pipesmen, or at least the most polite member.
Raphael Crinklestouf	Beej	A local inventor and advocate for alternative fuels. He has used fermentation of human and other waste products to run an engine.
Richard Therpston	Alex	Founder of Therpston County and Therpston County Aldersm'n. Deceased.
Richard Therpston III	Alex	Pipesman and scion of the late Richard Therpston. Believes the rule of the county is his birthright.
Richter Hammockslam	Ian	QWRP's helicopter Traffic "Reporter."
Rosemary Saltsmith	Kathleen	Nsburg History Museum Curator.
Sadie Casperson	Kathleen	QWRP's Meteorologist. Mostly forecasts divine vengeance.
Sandra Brentmore	Kathleen	President of the Nsburg Historical Rum Tunnel Society. Has a chronic case of laryngitis and/or allergies.
Steve	N/A	Writer for the Nsburg Sentinel. (Not to be confused with Officer Steve)
Woman from the Old Country	Kathleen	A local merchant who moved from the Old Country (unspecified, but hers), who crafts jams, aspics, and (presumably) other foodstuffs, out of questionable ingredients.