Qwerpline Ep39 - Back to Shore

Nsburg Statistics

S3E01 Titlecard

Date: January 29, 2024

Category: Qwerpline

Appearing: Graham Stark, Alex Steacy, Kathleen De Vere, Brendan "Beej" Dery, Ian Horner

Edited by: Kathleen De Vere

Graphics: Graham Stark

Illustrations: Featherweight

Music: Bradley Rains

Description: Qwerpline is back on the air, assuming Graham can coax Alex back to the studio.

Runtime: 15:11

Slogan: The Place You Left to Come Home to

• That really sounds like a midnight sun lyric

Sponsor: The Incessant Pleasant Pheasant This bird spouts aphorisms filled with constant teeth grinding optimism and it has no shut off switch

News

• Julesburg seasonal airport has hired nsburg Girl Scouts to work bird scare, shooing our feathered friends from near the terminal. And they've now occupied Runway 2 and have expanded their jurisdiction to drone control.
• It's time for the nsburg Gong Show
• Alex abdicated the Aldersm'n position, so a by-election was held for the role and the winner was ... Alex. Voter turnout was 138% due to counting the raccoons that couldn't be removed from the pool and the volleyball tournament that was allowed to vote between rounds. Alex attempts to escape by swimming across Lake Anesh.

Weather

Sadie is back from the Maldives.

• Sadie got a tan, Lenny's got a sunburn, as Jesus intended.
• They thought they made a mistake because there were no malls.
• There were no hoagies, but great schwarma.
• They went to the world's largest underwater glass restaurant, but then Lenny saw the menu and said he wasn't going to pay 3,000 Maldivan rufia to eat glass.
• Mains electricity in the Maldives is 240 volts at 50 HZ, so:
  • Lenny's razor took off most of his beard (to Sadie's delight).
  • Sadie's Hatachi magic wand (which she uses for shoulder massages) had a real kick.

Her next trip will be to Albania. Lenny's always wanted to see their fortified bunkers.

Traffic

Richter is now providing the essential service of (public domain) movie reviewing and rating them on his own, logarithmic, Richter Scale.

• 1964's "The Last Man on Earth" gets 2.2.
• 1895's "Train Pulling Into a Station" gets 4.

Live on Location

Derek is Live on Location at Lake Anesh (the former culvert drainage lagoon) interviewing Aldersm'n Elect Alex, who has become a bog person living in the lake. After thwarting Alex's escape attempt on hearing of his re-election at the top of the show and subduing him with some deer fence, the interview begins.

• Derek mistakes Alex's offhanded comment about someone downstairs hating him as an accusation that the janitor, Jossepi, rigged the election (downstairs being the storage room, not where Joseppi lives).
• Lake Indianname has been renamed Lake Anesh 2 in honor of Alex's tireless efforts to rename the culvert drainage lagoon Lake Anesh.
• Lake Anesh is not going to be the executive residence
• Alex misses the Aldersm'norial Scones and resolves to reclaim them after he finds out they are being sold as there is no-one to eat them.
• Lake Anesh is not a freshwater outflow.

After the Break

• The nsburg Speed Dating Club and the nsburg Community College Computer Science Department will be holding an SSH key party.
• An update on Mayor Steno-paperclips. His worship is being moved into solitary at Heathston Ultra-min as too many inmates were using him to break out of their cells.

Trivia

After just this episode, the nsburg Tourism Board owes the Midnight Suns 0.012¢ as it is said 4 times. "The Town You Left to Come Home to" is said twice and has the cash register sound from Gus, but it is not clear if those would be included in what is owned

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