Libyan Cinnabon Transcript
Transcript for Feed Dump- Libyan Cinnabon
{FEED DUMP TITLES}
Graham: Welcome to Feed Dump, coming to you this week from the SURFACE OF MARS! We were already here. Spoiler warning! I'm Curiosity.
It was me all along. Joining me this week is Spirit,
Tally: {WAVING RED AND WHITE POMPOM} We've got spirit! Yes we do!
Graham: And Opportunity!
Paul: I wanna be the Beagle 2.
Graham: The Beagle 2 lost communication and crashed.
Paul: But it's a Beagle! Beagles are cute!
Graham: Alright, we are now failed Mars rovers. I'm China's Mars 2, joining me this week is China's Mars 3,
Tally: {HOLDING POMPOM} {LOOKING HAPPY, THEN SUDDENLY MIFFED}
Graham: and the Beagle 2.
Paul: Yay!
Graham: And we all landed thanks to balloons. Or a skycrane.
{TITLE: WE LANDED THANKS TO SOME BALLOONS/NEWS (SUBTITLE: OR A SKYCRANE)}
Graham: Libya is about to see the grand opening of its first US franchise restaurant, and if I was Libyan I'd be excited, 'cause it's a Cinnabon!
Paul: We don't even have a Cinnabon in Victoria!
Tally: Really? Before McDonald's?
Paul: Well, I'd take a Cinnabon over a McDonald's. I mean I don't think I was ever consulted though.
Tally: You could combine the two, like they do in airports. Like, um, McBon, McCinna... McDonabon!
Um, McDonabon sounds like something they'd have in Scotland, though. Serves haggis covered in cinnamon and icing.
Paul: I put it to you that anything covered in that Cinnabon icing would be delicious.
Graham: I'm just looking at a list of international Cinnabon locations, and they go where the demand is. There are Cinnabons in Aruba, Bahrain, Cyprus, the Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, Kuwait, Oman, Panama, Qatar, the United Arab Emirates, like, Cinnabon be gettin' all up everywhere.
Paul: Turns out, cinnamon buns are both Kosher and Halal. In fact, I think cinnamon buns may be the one thing that all religions can agree on.
Tally: Unless you cook them in bacon fat. Which sounds reaaally good.
Graham: A New Jersey man was surprised to discover a ten-foot-long python in his back yard. But not nearly as surprised to find a sixteen-foot python there four days later.
Tally: Why would anybody be surprised by shit like that if they live in New Jersey?
What is it that's in this guy's yard that's attracting pythons?!
Paul: Maybe he's like a guinea pig farmer?
Graham: As near as the police can figure, the pythons were likely released into the wild by someone who'd moved away, and releasing pythons into the wild is a crime in many states. {HOLDING IPAD}
Tally: HOW IS THAT NOT A CRIME IN EVERY STATE?!
Paul: But, isn't that one of those things that it's like, "do we really have to have a law about this," like, we don't have a law about releasing rhinoceroses into the public, too, but it just doesn't happen.
Tally: Yeah, I'd like to see one of the states where it's actually encouraged to release pythons.
Paul: {WEARING TOP HAT} Come one, come all, to the annual python release! Let 'em go! What happens after that is not our responsibility!
Graham: In Georgia, a chihuahua is being hailed as a hero after it sniffed out two lost girls in the forest.
Tally: Not really known as being a hunting dog, but they are pretty inquisitive, like, they ask a lot of questions, right? Yo quiera taco bell, and all that stuff?
Paul: I hope as a reward for saving the girls, they don't give him a free ticket to New Jersey, because that would be very bad.
Graham: I'm surprised the chihuahua stopped quivering long enough to be useful. Who actually thinks, "I'm gonna rope up my chihuahua and go... bloodhounding?"
Tally: I don't think you think about getting the chihuahua and putting the dog on the scent, but it's an accessory, right? So maybe it was more like, "alright, we gotta go look for these girls, I'm gonna grab my keys and my wallet and the chihuahua and OK! Let's go!"
Paul: It can't, I kinda hope chihuahuas as tracking dogs really takes off, because can just imagine like, some prison guard with like, ten chihuahuas on leashes running after the prisoners who just escaped. That would be very silly.
{SHOT OF PAUL AND TALLY ON THE SOFA. PAUL IS WEARING AN ORANGE INMATE UNIFORM. TALLY IS WEARING THE POLICE CAP}
Paul: {WEARING ORANGE INMATE UNIFORM} {LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY AND POINTS TOWARD THE GROUND}
Tally: {WEARING POLICE CAP} {HANDS ON HER HIPS} {PATS HIM ON THE BACK} Come with us... sir, sir.
{PAUL CONTINUES TO LAUGH}
Tally: {WEARING POLICE CAP} Please stop cuddling the chihuahuas. {SHE GRABS HIS HAND} You're under arrest.
Paul: {WEARING ORANGE INMATE UNIFORM} {CONTINUING TO LAUGH HYSTERICALLY} OK, OK-
Graham: Stretching a reported six hundred and ninety miles down the corridor of US 127 from Addison, Michigan, to Gadsden, Alabama, is the world's longest what?
Tally: Python!
Paul: Sausage? Or hotdog? Or some sort of... tubular meat product?
Tally: Bacon strip?
Paul: Balloon animal! It's actually just a worm, so it's not that impressive a balloon animal...
Graham: With a 25 year history, it's the world's longest yard sale.
Paul: When you said that, I thought you were about to say the world's longest yardstick, and I was like, "I think they kind of don't understand what a yardstick is for."
Tally: If you wanted a, an empty python skin, um, hunting chihuahua leashes, or, um, McDonabon bun, you could probably get them there!
Paul: If you didn't have a car, like, if you were walking, you could, it's one of those things where you could start at the beginning of it, and by the time you get to the end of it, it would have started again!
Tally: If they're having it along the highway, it must be, like I assume it's sort of right along the highway, so then you could um, have your sale, and once you've finished, whatever you didn't sell and whatever you didn't want, just stays in the ditch beside the highway... {SHRUGS} and you can just go home!
Paul: What they should do is that you go along and you start in Alabama, and you drive all the way down the highway getting whatever you want, and then when you get to Michigan, you pay for it!
Michigan: American's Cash Desk.
Actually if you go slow enough, you could buy something in Alabama, and then sell it used when you get to Michigan!
Tally: Yeah, so signage would be really easy. It's just "Yard Sale: Every Left!"
Graham: And with that I think we can conclude our exploration on the surface of news, until next time, remember: there may be better sources for that news, but they don't have {PUTS ON TINY TOP HAT FASCINATOR} this fascinator, which has a tiny hat.
{WEARING TINY TOP HAT FASCINATOR} Everyone fascinator'd up?
{SHOT OF PAUL AND TALLY. PAUL IS WEARING AN OCTOPUS FASCINATOR. TALLY IS WEARING A PIRAHANA PLANT FASCINATOR. BOTH ARE GIVING THUMBS UPS}
Paul: {WEARING OCTOPUS FASCINATOR} Ready!
Tally: {WEARING PIRAHANA PLANT FASCINATOR} {MUGS}
Graham: {WEARING TINY TOP HAT FASCINATOR} Good. Good. I like that this has adjustable jaunt. {SLIDES HAT FURTHER DOWN SIDE OF HEAD FOR INCREASED JAUNT}
{FEED DUMP CREDITS}
Paul: The world's longest wave. People just all the way down the side of the road, all the way were like {DOES THE WAVE} Whaaaaaa! And then one guy messed it up in Michigan.
