Crapshots Ep.779 - Birds Watching Transcript

Provided by RoastedGravy on the LRR Discord.

Transcript

IAN IS WATCHING BIRDS WITH BINOCULARS AS BEEJ IS WRITING IN HIS NOTEPAD.

[0:02] IAN: I don’t recognize this bird. Could you look it up for me?

[0:05] BEEJ: Uh, yeah, sure. Um, is it a red-breasted shitbreath?

[0:10] IAN: Of course not. We’d be able to smell it from here.

[0:13] BEEJ: Could be a Simon’s warbler.

IAN REMOVES HIS BINOCULARS TO LOOK AT BEEJ.

[0:14] IAN: Simon has been dead since 1932.

IAN RESUMES BIRDWATCHING WITH HIS BINOCULARS.

[0:20] BEEJ: Is it a reticulating spline?

[0:22] IAN: I’d say it’s . . . undulating?

[0:24] BEEJ: Uh, that could mean it’s a harmonizing squee.

[0:27] IAN: No, those are always able to travel in groups and usually near nerd conventions.

[0:33] BEEJ: Is it a three-footed hornbill?

[0:35] IAN: Inconclusive. I only see two.

[0:38] BEEJ: Mustachioed parakeet?

[0:40] IAN: Five o’clock shadow at best.

[0:44] BEEJ: Is it a piliated plantain eater?

[0:47] IAN: I thought it might be, but that’s a banana.

[0:50] BEEJ: Then it could a deepthroated starling.

[0:52] IAN: Ooh, this bird definitely has its gag reflex.

[0:57] BEEJ: Fine. What does it look like?

[0:59] IAN: Like a pigeon.

[0:59] BEEJ: Is it a pigeon?!

[1:02] IAN: . . . probably, yeah.

BEEJ THROWS HIS NOTEPAD AND PEN ONTO THE GROUND, GETS UP, AND STORMS AWAY. IAN SETS ASIDE HIS BINOCULARS TO GET A BETTER LOOK AT THE BIRD.

[1:07] IAN: Hey, little guy.

END