It's Very Simple Transcript
Transcript for It's Very Simple
Transcript
GRAHAM: Hey, thanks for coming out on such short notice, guys. {to Paul} I can't believe you're making me do this.
PAUL: I'm not making you do anything. I just said I didn't get it.
GRAHAM: Didn't get it? It's quite possibly the single most important sketch in North American comedy!
PAUL: Look, it's just that—
GRAHAM: It doesn't matter... we're here now. {points to first} See that guy?
PAUL: Which guy?
GRAHAM: The guy on first.
PAUL: Yes.
GRAHAM: What's his name?
PAUL: Who.
GRAHAM: The guy in first base.
PAUL: Yes, Who.
GRAHAM: No, not "Yes, Who?", him.
PAUL: Who?
GRAHAM: Exactly. Moving on. Second base.
PAUL: OK.
GRAHAM: Who's on second?
PAUL: What?
GRAHAM: Correct. Now, third base—
PAUL: No, wait a second... you just said Who was on first.
GRAHAM: Who is on first.
PAUL: That's what I thought, but now you just said Who was on second.
GRAHAM: No, What is on second.
PAUL: A second-baseman.
GRAHAM: Yes, and his name is...?
PAUL: What.
GRAHAM: {laboured} And his name is...?
PAUL: That's his name.
GRAHAM: No, That is not his name, What is his name.
PAUL: What?
GRAHAM: Exactly. God, it's like talking to a wall. OK, third base. His name is...?
PAUL: I don't know.
GRAHAM: Well, take a guess.
PAUL: No, that's his name.
GRAHAM: No, That isn't his name. No-one here is named That. I'm asking you what his name is.
PAUL: I thought What was his name. {indicates second base}
GRAHAM: What is his name, I'm asking you who's on third.
PAUL: OK, I think I'm lost here, 'cause you just said Who was on first.
GRAHAM: Oh, for... OK, once more from the top. Hey, first base!
MATT: {on first} Yeah?
GRAHAM: What's your name?
MATT: No...
GRAHAM: What?
MORGAN {on second} Yes?
GRAHAM: I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to him.
MORGAN: Who?
GRAHAM: I don't know.
BILL {on third} Yeah?
GRAHAM: Shut up!
MORGAN: Who!
MATT: Yeah?
MORGAN: Tell him your name!
MATT: Who!
GRAHAM: You, dumbass, what's your name?
MATT: I think you're a little confused, buddy. What is his name.
GRAHAM: I know his name.
MATT: Why are we doing this again?
GRAHAM: Because!
JAMES: Yeah?
GRAHAM: Tell him why we're doing this again.
JAMES: To eliminate confusion.
MATT: Is it working?
JAMES: I don't know.
BILL: Yeah?
GRAHAM: Shut up! OK, once more before I kill somebody.
PAUL: Hey, what is that guy, way out over there?
GRAHAM: The left-fielder? Oh, his name is Why.
PAUL: Why?
GRAHAM: I don't know.
BILL: Yeah?
GRAHAM: SHUT UP!
PAUL: I thought that was his name?
GRAHAM: That is not his name, Why is his name.
PAUL: Why is his name what?
GRAHAM: It isn't! His name is What!
PAUL: OK, who?
GRAHAM: {muffled grunt of frustration}
PAUL: You know what, I think I'll just Google it.
GRAHAM: Yeah, that's probably better. We'll take a brain-break, we'll come back, we'll sort it out tomorrow.
JER: Me?
GRAHAM: Huh?
JER: Me? Tomorrow? You're talking to me?
GRAHAM: I don't know...
BILL: Yeah?
GRAHAM: {sigh}
Stinger
GRAHAM: Exactly, now, second base. His name?
PAUL: {exaggerated} H-WHAT?
GRAHAM: {exaggerated} YEAH-H!
PAUL: {exaggerated} O-KAY!
