Pull Yourself Together Transcript

Transcript for Pull Yourself Together

Transcript

{Scene opens outside Graham's place as he lets out James, Ben and Jer after spending an evening together.}

Jer: See ya, Graham.

Graham: Later.

{As Graham closes the door, the title overlay wipes in. We then hear the phone ring and the scene cuts to a kitchen as Jer answers the phone.}

Jer: Yeah?

Graham: Hey Jer, it's Graham. Uh, just a little FYI, you uh left your jacket here earlier.

Jer: Oh, thanks.

Graham: Yeah, yeah, no problem. Yeah, uh you also left your, um... I think it's your joie de vivre here.

Jer: My what?

Graham: Yeah, it's French. It means, uh "joy of life".

{At this point, a see-through version of Jer enters the room}

Jer's Joie de Vivre: (in very bad French accent) Ah, look at the day. It's wonderful. Look at all the birds, and all the... (babbles in fake French over Graham's line)

Graham: Except he's not actually speaking French, he's uh just using a really bad accent.

Jer: Yeah, I can't actually speak French. That's probably why.

Graham: Hmm. Uh yeah, well if you can come by and grab it, 'cos he's getting really annoying.

Jer's Joie de Vivre: Come! We must live life to the fullest! Join me and we will get a chocolate croissant.

{Jer frowns and looks at his phone}

Graham: We've been meaning to talk to you about this actually. You've been leaving stuff lying around for a while now. Um, I'd call the other guys.

{Scene slides out into Ben's place, where Ben is now talking to Jer on the phone. In the doorway of his room, we see another see-through Jer, this one wearing sunglasses, no shirt and doing crunches on a weight}

Ben: Yeah, you left your charisma in here over a week ago.

Jer's Charisma: Actually, I prefer the amativeness. (takes out phrenology chart) In phrenology, the amative lobe controls lust and sexual attraction. (smirks amorously)

Ben: You don't actually believe that, do you?

Jer's Charisma: No, but it's a hit with the ladies. What do you think I am, the gullibility?

{On that note, the scene wipes into Nathan's place, where he's playing poker with Alex Bowen and yet another see-through Jer wearing nerdy glasses}

Jer's Gullibility: So I can bet, and then fold without doing anything else? That's cool 'cos- Hey, why am I the only one with my cards facing up?

Alex: It's 'cos you're winning.

{Nate nods and points his finger in a 'hit the nail on the head' gesture}

Jer's Gullibility: Cool, 'cos I'm totally gonna get rid of my chips before you guys!

{Scene wipes back to Jer's place, switching to Ben whenever the latter is talking}

Jer: Why didn't you tell me?

Ben: Well, he said he'd wingman for me.

Jer: So why are you telling me now?

Ben: Because he's a terrible wingman! He does the Fonz thing.

Jer's Charisma: Ayyyy!

Ben: That's not even a good reference anymore!

Jer: I don't see the problem.

Ben: It works, Jer. He's pinning more tail than a five-year old's birthday party.

{Scene changes again to James' place as he's now talking to Jer over the phone}

James: Yeah, uh actually your latent homosexuality has been hanging around for a little while. ...No, no, no, no, no. No, he hasn't tried that, no. He's just starting to make me really uncomfortable.

{Scene wipes to James' living room, where James is playing a game on his PS2 while Jer's homosexuality sits next to him, psyching up the courage to make his move}

Jer's Homosexuality: So, uh, I was wondering if, uh... maybe you, uh...

James: What's up?

Jer's Homosexuality: ...Never mind.

James: Okay.

{James goes back to his game, while Jer's homosexuality starts cursing to himself under his breath. Scene wipes back to Jer's place, switching over when James speaks}

Jer: Wow, I never really realized I was missing all those things. Uh, you wanna help me wrangle them back together?

James: Ugh, do we have to?

Jer: James, please. I'm beside myself here.

James: That was terrible! Did you leave your humor somewhere else too?

{On Jer's end, his sense of humor pokes his head in, wearing a clown wig and red nose}

Jer's Sense of Humor: Yeah, man, that was painful.

Jer: Look, you guys wanna just meet me later? I'm gonna head over to Paul's place. Um, I haven't heard from him all day and I think I might have left my depression there.

James: Yeah, alright, sure. I'll see you later. (face-palms)

{Scene wipes to Paul's place, where we see Paul lying on his back on the floor next to yet another see-through Jer who's lying face-down. We hear three knocks then the door opens as Jer comes in}

Jer: Hey, Paul? I let myself in, 'cos- Oh my God, you've killed yourself.

Paul: (sighs) No...

Jer: What's wrong with you guys?

Jer's Depression: Life is meaningless. It's a series of repetitive actions where you can fool yourself into thinking that you're happy but... really, all human endeavor is ultimately futile.

Jer: (to Paul) And you?

Paul: Ugh, he won't shut up.

Jer: You know what, maybe I'll come back for him later.

Jer's Depression: Fine. You can go. I'm gonna roll myself onto my back, see if I can drown myself in my own spit.

Jer: (awkwardly) Yeah, good luck with that.

{Jer quickly closes the door, leaving his depression to slothfully turn himself around}

Paul: It doesn't work.

{Scene wipes into Graham's room, presumably after he's gathered his missing parts. Graham is present, as is James who has obviously returned Jer's homosexuality}

Jer: You know what, I think that's all of them.

James: And you can keep 'em. (leaves)

Jer: Except, maybe charisma.

{At that moment, Ben comes in}

Ben: Sorry we're late, you guys. We had to stop at the bar.

{As Ben leaves, Ashley comes in, blowing a kiss over her shoulder before heading into Graham's room. Then Jer's charisma comes in, jerking his fingers at them}

Jer's Charisma: Ayyyy! I need to use your room! (goes out after Ashley)

Graham: I uh, I always thought they were more sort of like a non-corporeal, no touchy-see-through kind of deal.

Jer: That was the basic idea.

Graham: Yeah.

{At that moment, Jer's charisma runs back in}

Jer's Charisma: I need your body.

{With that, he leaps back into Jer in a flash of light, throwing Jer backwards and sending him sprawling to the floor}

Graham: Phew! You alright?

Jer: (getting to his feet) You know what? I think I'm finally feeling complete, yeah. You know, I think I got... No, there's still something missing, dude. I...

Graham: Hmm...

Ashley: How long are you gonna keep me waiting?

Jer: You know what, it might not be that big of a deal, so you know what? I'll see you tomorrow. (claps Graham's shoulder then runs off to make some loving with Ashley)

Graham: That's my bed! I sleep on that bed! (goes in after Jer) I do other things in there, too!

{Scenes wipes on a darkened alley, where Jer's gullibility has met with a masked robber carrying a gun. In the distance, we hear police sirens}

Jer's Gullibility: Well, certainly, sir! I'd be happy to hold your gun for you.