Spam Theatre 2 Transcript

Transcript for Spam Theatre 2

Transcript

{a black screen. 8-bit/Commodore64 style music is playing.}

TEXT:

       Spam Theatre
The dialogue in the following
skits are actual junk e-mails
     we have received.

{text fades out. New text fades in}

TEXT:

Received: from lns.access.uk.tiscali.com
 ([80.47.209.34] helo=DaruPC)
From: "Neateye"
Subject: Gouranga
Date: Sat, 18 Dec 2004 18:43:23 -0000
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain;
 charset="Windows-1251"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

{cut to Graham in an afro wig and vaguely religious garb, dancing}

GRAHAM: {singing} Call out Gouranga, be happy. Gouranga, Gouranga, Gouranga. That which brings the highest happiness...

{cut to black screen, with the same C64 music from before playing. New text is shown}

TEXT:

Received: from [222.160.242.43]
 (helo=16900)
From: "Daten Bank"
Subject: Maschine nach China ?
Date: Tue, 14 Sep 2004 20:33:03 -0400
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain;
 charset="Windows-1251"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

{cut to Duncan in a black "anime" style wig and black hoodie. He is reading something in German that appears to have been badly translated}

TEXT: {each line appears seperately, like subtitles}

Very honored ladies and gentlemen,

we are normal people out of China,

that a little German
can speak and write.

We find that German Produckte
      can occupy and/or

machine a part large of
  the market in China.

Therefore we have interest to
collaborate with a German firm,

in order to make confessed the
      Produckte in China.

Do we know much locally people,
whom into this beschf? met are.

 We know also the Improture
that would have the Erfahung.

Naturally if you would have other
      requirement in China

    or need aid in China,
are to be helped we also gladly.

   If you had interest,
you send us please enamel.

We are to be answered
gladly your question.

With many greeting.
      -Mr. Lin

{cut back to the black screen and text. The tune continues to play}

TEXT:

Received: from adslsapo.telepac.pt
 ([81.193.16.221)
From: "Paul A. Davis"
Subject: Viagra - #1 Recreative Drug
Date: Tue, 04 Jan 2005 00:14:34 +0000
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain;
 charset="Windows-1251"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

{text fades, and is quickly replaced by a new screen of text}

TEXT:

Received: from pooles.rima-tde.net
 ([81.37.121.39])
From: "Richard K. Lee"
Subject: Cialis - #1 Recreative Drug
Date: Sun, 02 Jan 2005 16:07:40 +0000
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain;
 charset="Windows-1251"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

{cut to Paul, in a white lab coat}

TEXT:

Paul A. Davis

PAUL: Viagra; number one recreative drug.

{cut to Duncan, also wearing a lab coat}

TEXT:

Richard K. Lee

DUNCAN: Cialis; number one recreative drug.

{cut back to Paul}

PAUL: Full and hard erections.

{cut back to Duncan}

DUNCAN: Full and stable erections.

{back to Paul}

PAUL: Long effects duration.

{back to Duncan}

DUNCAN: Long lasting effects.

{back to Paul}

PAUL: Prompt shipping.

{back to Duncan}

DUNCAN: Discreet packaging.

{cut to a shot of both, in horizontal split screen - Paul on the left, and Duncan on Right}

PAUL/DUNCAN (simultaneous): No prescription required.

{cut back to the black screen and text. The tune continues to play}

TEXT:

Received: from home1.cgocable.net
 ([24.235.210.155])
From: "Mireille Dusty"
Subject: U R WASTING UR HIGH SALARY
 JOB POTENTIAL taste fourth
Date: Mon, 31 May 2004 03:38:16 +0400
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain;
 charset="Windows-1251"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

{cut to a black and white shot of Graham sitting at a desk and using a laptop}

PAUL (V.O): Further goes consequence long hoping. Anything hot parallel discussion, towards grandfather second more trying. {Graham begins gesturing at the laptop, and then clutching his head. He's extremely confused at what he's reading}

{cut to Paul, standing in a room with some very full bookshelves. The camera follows him as he walks past the books}

TEXT:

ONLINE UNIVERSITY DIPLOMA DEGREES

PAUL: Online university diploma degrees. {text disappears} Obtain a diploma degree master.

{cut to a different angle of the same room. Paul is now facing the camera directly}

PAUL: We send the certificate to all countries.

TEXT:

(WORLDWIDE)

{cut back to the first angle in this room, Paul walks past the same bookshelves again}

PAUL: Consider a prosperous future. Money earning power.

{back to the second angle}

PAUL: No tests, study, course work, or interviews required. Discreet and affordable, anyone eligible.

{cut to close-up of Paul}

PAUL: Call now, your diploma awaits you.

{cut to another shot of the room, with more filled bookshelves. The screen is split horizontally, with the left half being covered by a light blue, semi-transparent block. Paul enters from right of frame. As he talks, words scroll upwards on the blue half of the screen}

PAUL: Sitting ago. Wild besides. Somewhere walk wonderful. Has decision minutes. Rather referred. Position look grew! Countries suddenly. Cheat often! Even yourself. Order know. Immediate reached!