The Process Transcript

Transcript for The Process

Transcript

{Scene opens on a fireplace in a library, where a small fire is burning. Camera then pans up to show Graham sitting in an armchair, reading from a large book. After a while, he looks up to the camera.}

Graham: {in posh tones} Oh! Good evening. {closes the book} We here at LoadingReadyRun have recently received several emails asking how we come up with the ideas for the videos that we have grown to love so nearly and dearly. I suppose that, to look at this process, we'd best begin with the editing process where we ever so carefully pare down the script. Let's begin at the story meetings.

{Scene cuts to the kitchen, where Graham and Paul are sitting behind the counter, reading through their copies of the script in silence}

Paul: I, I think we need more dialogue in Scene 2.

Graham: Mmm.

{After several moments of silence...}

Paul: Yeah, yeah, definitely more dialogue.

Graham: {posh voiceover} After hours of such joyous glee, the story is then taken under rigorous analysis.

{Scene cuts to the kitchen some time later, with the script still on the counter. Then Graham comes in.}

Graham: Alright. {sits down and picks up a pencil} How can I get more onscreen time? {reads through the script}

Graham: {posh voiceover} This is where painful yet necessary editorials are made.

Graham: Oh, we certainly don't need this. There we go. {crosses out a line then looks at page 2} I'm not even in this scene. {scrunches up paper and throws it away} Don't need that. {looks at page 3} We don't need Morgan to play that. {crosses out line} Bill's a busy guy, I'm sure he could do with the time off. {crosses out line} Don't need that. I don't know, I'll get stilts or something. {looks at page 4} We certainly don't need this scene with the hippopotamus and the trampoline. I'd never get the sound effects right anyway. {crosses out line} Yeah, that should do it.

Graham: {posh voiceover} As you can see, while some decisions are hard, they are all necessary.

{Scene cuts to the front door, where Graham is seen talking on the phone}

Graham: {posh voiceover} And then for the final step of the editing process.

{Graham ends his call and opens the door to let Morgan and Bill in.}

Graham: Oh, hey guys.

Morgan: Hey.

Bill: How you doing?

{Graham leads them into the house and into the sitting room.}

Graham: Uh, come on. Take a seat. {sits on armchair}

{Morgan and Bill sit down on the sofa.}

Morgan: Okay, so what's up?

Graham: Well, I have some news.

{Graham's voice is cut out as he explains his news to Morgan and Bill, while we listen to the posh voiceover.}

Graham: {posh voiceover} The most important part of a working relationship, especially when in film, is communication. As you can see, this quintessential step is not lost on my co-workers.

{As Graham finishes, Morgan and Bill react with shock and dismay at their being cut out. While the voiceover goes on, Bill starts yelling at Graham, who tries to explain, while Morgan just covers his face in his hands and then joins the argument.}

Graham: {posh voiceover} You can see here that the path to communication isn't entirely one-lane. It's the realization of this that makes the LoadingReadyRun team one of the finest in the world. Oh look, you can see that Bill has decided to transcend the verbal communication barriers by using sign language.

{Over that last line, Bill drops his pants and lets rip a big one right into Graham's face, Morgan getting caught in the blow too.}

Graham: {posh voiceover} Oh my, I don't think I've ever seen that used in sign language.

{His point made, Bill pulls up his pants and storms out. Graham and Morgan recover quickly, and Graham tries to make a joke out of it, but Morgan, still angry, flips him off and backs out of the room.}

Graham: {posh voiceover} Ah, now that one's more familiar.

{Morgan comes back in, still throwing the bird, moving it towards Graham's face before leaving. Cut back to the library}

Graham: Now that we have seen how an idea is processed, let us take a closer look at where we come up with the ideas for our videos.

{At that moment, Paul enters the library.}

Paul: What are you doing? {kneels down next to Graham}

Graham: What? Oh I'm, I'm- {drops voice to normal tones} I was just sitting here.

Paul: {picks up paper on top of book} This is the script for the creative process bit! {accusingly} You said that we were doing that next week.

Graham: Um... funny story about that. Uh, I was talking to Morgan and Bill, and uh, you know how Morgan and Bill get. And, um, so we decided that, um...

Paul: You cut me out, didn't you?

Graham: ...Yeah.

Paul: {sarcastic} Great.

Graham: It's uh, nice to see that you're taking it so well.

Paul: This was my idea! I was supposed to be the one in the chair. I wrote the Tibetan battle monk especially for you. Now I'm gonna play that part?

Graham: Um, well, uh, no. Actually, I-I really like that part, um, so I'm gonna play both.

Paul: So you're gonna bump Bill and Morgan?

Graham: ...Not exactly.

Paul: You're cutting me out altogether? This was my brainchild! You should at least bump one of them.

Graham: Well, ordinarily I would, but um, see... funny thing happened. Um...

Paul: You cut them too.

Graham: ...Yeah. Uh, see, we uh, we were talking and you know, we were talking about how Paul had been saying some stuff, and uh, Paul just went off on a tangent, you know how Paul gets. And-

Paul: So they think it's my fault.

Graham: ...Yeah.

Paul: {sarcastic} Great.

Graham: Uh, ooh! But there's a bright side.

Paul: {copying Graham's tone} Oh! And what is that?

Graham: Um, well, you're kinda sort of in it, now. {points to camera}

Paul: {looks at camera then back at Graham} You didn't turn the camera off when I walked into frame?

Graham: {sheepishly} Funny thing about the cameraman...

Paul: You pissed him off too.

Graham: Yeah.

Paul: You know how many fruit baskets it's gonna take to fix all of this?

Graham: Um... Uh, ooh, wait, um... {clears throat and speaks in posh tones again} Uh, perhaps then you would like to join me in the scene where we wrestle our sketch ideas from the robotic grouse, eh old boy?

Paul: {considers it} Well... Wait, no, you tried to cut me! I'm not gonna help you out now.

Graham: Uh, uh, perhaps the uh, scene with the creative writing sumo contest?

Paul: I'd love to, but I have a full day of emailing all your porn to your mom. {gets up and walks out of shot}

Graham: Oh God, no! Um... uh... Ah! {goes to last page of script and reads quickly} Um, well, I hope you enjoyed this uh, this wonderful insight into the creative, uh, process of-

Paul: {offscreen} I hope you don't mind, I'm emailing her the one with the midgets and the donkey.

Graham: {reads quicker} Uh, uh, creative process of LoadingReadyRun. Until next time, this is Graham Stark, uh, bidding you adieu.

{Graham then gets up and runs out of the library, leaving the camera running.}

Graham: You cannot be ser- OH MY GOD!