Qwerpline Ep42 - The Masked Raccoon
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Nsburg Statistics
Date: February 19, 2024
Category: Qwerpline
Appearing: Graham Stark, Alex Steacy, Kathleen De Vere, Brendan "Beej" Dery, Ian Horner
Edited by: Kathleen De Vere
Graphics: Graham Stark
Illustrations: Featherweight
Music: Bradley Rains
Description: Who or what is The Masked Raccoon, and why? And how they know where you live?
Runtime: 23:00
Slogan: We don't need to explain it, we just need to say it.
- Yep, that's what they say
Sponsor: Balmoral Floral Laurel Take a kingly slumber on these fragrant boughs fresh from the gardens of Aberdeenshire
News
- Preparations are complete for the Thurpston County Fair Fare.
- There are now too many benches for all the available judges so a lottery will be held this afternoon at the park's Thunderdome to select at least 50 deputy judges.
- It's time for the annual Nsburg Run for the Cured (meat).
- This year's route will take participants through the most picturesque parts of the East Sump Arces Culvert Grid (and all the other parts too) with stops every 50 meters so participants can sample a variety of exotic local charcuterie.
Top Story
- The Masked Raccoon has struck again. For the fourth day in a row things have been appearing overnight on people's lawns. With no rhyme nor reason to their locations across Nsburg or the contents of the lawn, Officer Steve from Nsburg PD surmises it is either a single vigilante with a pickup truck, or up to four vigilantes with mopeds. But, regardless, someone the citizenry have nicknamed the Masked Raccoon.
Live in the Studio
- Montgomery Kone is in with a "report" on the Masked Raccoon. As it is a 3 hour serial, he is scooped by Michael O'Leary who has arranged an interview with the Masked Raccoon.
Let's Go To The Phones
- It's the Masked Raccoon, who sounds very familiar. Their demands are:
- Properly sort your garbage and recycling.
- Get a through your thick skulls that used hypodermic needles and razor blades are not recyclable under any circumstances.
- Stop calling me the Masked Raccoon because I deal with them a lot at work and they honestly make me really nervous at this point.
- The Masked Raccoon is revealed to be (highlight for spoiler): Kendra Tiltington doing a Sandra Brentmoore impersonation.
Traffic
- Richter Hammockslam reports on the traffic. The internet traffic.
Let's Go To The Phones
- Derek is upset because he had the identity of the Masked Raccoon correct 3 days ago and no-one listened to him.
- He interviews some people on the street regarding their thoughts about the identity of the Masked Raccoon.
- Rosemary Saltsmith is interested in his Dad's issues of Rugs and Joan cuts the interview short.
- Officer Steve is interested in the (betting) pools Derek is in.
- Montgomery Kone catches up to Derek and takes him to the Town Hall to collect his winnings in the pool.
After the Break
- Sirel Puffman practicing with his new euphonium. The beloved blow-hard will be representing Thurpston County at the National Warning Horn Championships and has embarked on a rigorous embouchure training regimen in order to ready himself.
- Last week's sideball grinder got rained out, so the Nsburg Sci-ball Esports league has organized a virtual makeup game. The Literal Tigers will be facing off against the Heathston Mole Rats, not on the field, but online with Hazelton Braids 1986 Sci-ball forwangs.
- Melody Yum's plan is "to punch the monitor until it stops shooting sparks".
