Qwerpline Ep44 - Welcome to the Team
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Nsburg Statistics
Date: March 4, 2024
Category: Qwerpline
Appearing: Graham Stark, Alex Steacy, Kathleen De Vere, Brendan "Beej" Dery, Ian Horner
Edited by: Kathleen De Vere
Graphics: Graham Stark
Illustrations: Featherweight
Music: Bradley Rains
Description: Richard Therpston has built some rails, Richter’s been busy at night, and QWRP gets a new health correspondent. Must be Popcorn Wednesday.
Runtime: 18:57
Slogan: He is risen
- Did they ever figure out who he was?
Sponsor: Lenticular Particular Funicular This bulbous glass transport will be slowly making its way through our community, but don't worry you'll never get to ride it
News
- The Nsburg Homeopathic Animal Control Society have announced their plans for this year's raccoon control campaign.
- The Town Hall has announced that they are increasing the bounty of the Nsburg Middle School Intermural League jerseys.
- They're now paying out $15 per intact, returned jersey, which makes it higher than the current collector's market price. So if you've been sitting on jerseys for value, now's the time to cash in.
Live on Location
- Derek is on location for the maiden voyage of Richard Therpston III's funicular (i.e. the episode sponsor). It is Dick's sunroom on maglev rails and because of that, and that no-one else voted for a train, no-one else gets to ride it. The interview ends suddenly when it starts up and the maglev cuts the call.
Live in the Studio
- QWRP now has a health correspondent. It's ... Lorna Schlitzwhistle. She wishes to be called "Mama Medicine" and opens the phone to anyone who needs advice. The callers are:
- Michael O'Leary, who calls in to welcome her to the team, maybe engage in some good-natured ribbing, and ask her for some advice for is colon. Alex cuts him off and says they can talk about that in the break room.
- Justice Zeph, who did an enormous lungbuster so now has busted lung. Lorna recommends a poultice of lavender, marjoram and meadow rue, and switching to edibles for at least 2 weeks.
- Happy Gunderson, who has a splitting headache. Lorna recommends some simple jaw stretches three times a day, which work immediately
- Ball Hinkley, who is fine and just wants to talk about his new powders. He is cut off when Graham does not want to hear about his new, wet, internal personal muds.
- Now out of callers, Graham asks Lorna's opinion on the Nsburg Homeopathic Animal Control Society plans for this year's raccoon control campaign. She assures him that homeopathy isn't real as the dose is too low to work. You'd need a large dose, like you could get from her store.
- At this point, Alex wheels her out of the studio.
Traffic
- Richter has started a game of Werewolf with everyone in the station's mail server calendar. Only Alex opens and reads his aloud, on air. Only Derek opened his when he got it and is utterly failing to keep his identity a secret.
Live on Location
- We go back to Derek, who is at the railway crossing on Barker Lane. Why is there a railway crossing there? Because Dick has been putting railway crossings at different places around town at houses of people he doesn't like. Derek is ejected from the funicular and Dick declares that the rules of rail are what everyone shall abide by.
After the Break
- The Nsburg Heirloom Vegetable Society is cracking open their Doomsday Seed Vault this weekend.
- They are all bad and extremely poisonous.
- The Nsburg Mobile Home School is back on the road.
- Tuition is $2.50 oneway and $5 for a day pass. Seniors learn for free.
- It is unclear if the Sideball stars get to ride free. They are supposed to be on a full ride scholarship.
