The Panalysts Ep69 - The Nut Loosens

Vital Statistics

Date: April 18, 2026

Cohosts: Graham Stark, Brendan "Beej" Dery, Coriander Dickinson, Cameron Lauder

Writing: Molly Lewis, Kathleen De Vere

Additional Writing: Brendan "Beej" Dery, Coriander Dickinson, Matt Griffiths, Jordynne Hatton, Ian Horner, Cameron Lauder, Nelson Salahub, Graham Stark

Edited by: Matt Griffiths, Kathleen De Vere

Music by: LombusMusic

Graphics: MangledPixel

Art Direction by: Graham Stark

Recording: Paul Saunders

Produced by: Kathleen De Vere, Graham Stark

You have encountered a steampunk warlock by the name of Allan. And he's offering you a choice of magical wrenches. And if you don't take a wrench, he's going to throw one at you. So, you might as well take one. So, which wrench do you choose? A. A wrench that you can throw in the laundry machine and the load comes out folded, but it will also act on the inside of your machine as only a wrench can. B. This wrench that every time you tighten a nut, you get 50 cents, but the wrench also emits a loud sustained moan with every turn. Or C, a wrench that keeps your phone charged, but you have to take it with you in a pocket on your person, not like in a bag, but like in a garment, or it stops working. Additionally, it has an unfortunate silhouette.
- Graham and Beej: B
- Cori and Cameron: A

The lawyers for your late aunt Euphemia's estate have summoned you again. In your many dealings with Euphemia's heirlooms, you've always gotten the shortest, fuzziest end of the stick. And yet, somehow there is more to inflict upon you. But this time, things are different. The smiling lawyer informs you as he opens a groaning file folder. You have finally inherited enough pieces of Euphemia's phylactery that you are entitled to her ghost. Of course, her spirit has unfinished business which you, as her legal successor, are now obligated to carry out. Which option would you like to choose? You can suffer in silence because Euphemia promised a clay of carnivorous subterranean clowns that she'd clean their bathroom. However, there's also a mid option. Euphemia lost a bet with a fellow Warlock. So now you have to streak in the middle of a televised NBA game, but it's just the Portland Trailblazers and and a powerful magic ward will ensure you're only visible when you're unclothed. Or you can break an arcane seal. Euphemia was scheduled to tip the ninth bowl of the apocalypse into Mount Etna before she finally died. And while her tickets weren't refundable, they were transferable and business class. So, you will be breaking back the seal holding back all the demons of hell. But you'll also get a vineyard tour. What would you like to choose?
- Graham and Beej: Clown bathroom cleaning
- Cori and Cameron: Start the apocalypse